The hole I dig is bottomless but nothing else can set me free.
- Robert Pollard, I am a
Scientist
February and March were a struggle for me and, I believe, represented yet
another phase of my ongoing mental cycling.
The hip flexor issue that I had encountered at the beginning of the February
turned out to be much more problematic than I expected. Problematic because it took me a long time to
realize that the “true” issue was a flaky hamstring.
The week following my last post, I could barely run 4kms without my left
side seizing up. Anyone who has had any
running related goal, whether it be a first 5km or a first marathon, knows that not
being able to run 4kms is very concerning.
For someone in my position, someone who is emotionally fragile, it’s
completing devastating.
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I wrote the above quite a long time ago.
So long ago, that I had completely forgotten about it. The story didn’t end there. It continued in a sprawling and fairly dark personal
recount of the last few months.
Here’s the thing. I don’t feel
ready to share those details and I doubt I ever will. Partly due to their personal nature and
partly due to the fact that I’d end up feeling like I was turning my back on those
who matter the most to me.
My family ... who are always there for
me.
My old friends ... who have offered to help
me countless times.
My new friends ... who have been willing to
lend an ear unconditionally.
For me to unload my mind on the internet instead of talking to the
people who wish me to be well just doesn’t seem right. So I won’t.
Perhaps I’ve actually said too much and I’m being a tad
hypocritical? If it does, I don’t really
care.
That leaves the trip. The
training didn’t go as planned, but when does it ever go well? I’ll be honest, I was not liking the long runs
in Toronto other then when I was able to drop into my sister’s along the way to
visit my niece and nephew. As a result,
the thrill of the trip fizzled out. That
is, until last weekend when I made my way back to Durham Forest. Everything changed. Being able to run endless loops in the woods
brought back my focus, made me genuinely happy and rekindled my desire to make
it to Scotland to give this thing a shot.
So I may not be “proper” ready
for what’s ahead of me, but no matter, I won’t let that stop me from getting
there.
On the topic of blogging during the trip, I’m not entirely sure I
will. In the very least, I’ll have a
journal with me so my story will be captured.
Time will tell how much I’m willing to share. And with that, I’ll simply say cheers for now
and take care.
Craig
